That’s So Cliché

We are all familiar with those well-known, over-used turn-of-phrases that add conversational color. So, let’s beat a dead horse and see how many clichés we get crammed in like sardines. Now that I’ve got you by the short and curlies, I’ll tell you a story. Let me bend your ear as far as the eye can see, but don’t try following in my footsteps, for it is a tangled web I weave. Face the music, you’d be in over your head. Cliche someecard I was talking to Ralph on the big white telephone, and nervous as a whore in a church, but he had already heard it through the grapevine. I was coming apart at the seams trying to live on a shoestring budget and wanted to make a fast buck by giving him a run for his money. I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition, but he asked the $64,000 question: “where’s the beef?” I was under the gun and lying through my teeth, but when the chips are down you play the cards you’re dealt. I’m smarter than the average bear, so I gave it the old college try. I mean, he’s not the kind of guy you would kick out of bed for eating crackers, but he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Still, he’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut. But I digress. Since a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, I put my heart into it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? He was waiting for the bottom line and I was shooting for the moon. I told him, “I’ve got a monkey on my back and it’s playing with fire.” Figuring we were two horns on the same goat, and knowing there’s a sucker born every minute, I was really going to town on him like ugly on an ape. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth with the pick of the litter given to him on a silver platter. I told him, “it all boils down to this: no way on God’s green Earth everything’s copacetic.” He said “get your ducks in a  row, but this oughta tide you over, and don’t use a lot where a little will do.” It was a sweet deal, and I took off like a bat out of hell. Now I have a new lease on life and he learned his lesson: actions speak louder than words. That’s it in a nutshell. Thanks for playing. That’s all folks.

200 thoughts on “That’s So Cliché

    • Thank you for the compliment. I wish you the best of luck with your book. I think it’s wonderful you are donating part of the proceeds to the Autism Society. Your words about Christian are truly touching; your love shows in an amazing way.

      • Thank you!! Life with Christian has had many twists and turns but it’s always fun. I’m hoping by sharing our lives we can spread the good things about having a child with special needs and donating feels great they have really helped us out a lot over the years!

        • There are many good things about children with autism. A friend of my mom’s has a son with autism and he now lives in his own apartment, albeit an autism community. She now works with families with children on varying levels of the spectrum to help them help their children reach some level of independence. She finds it to be more fulfilling than anything else she has done outside of raising her own son.

          • That’s awesome!! My son has a dual diagnosis both severe one is the autism and the other is mental retardation most people would more than likely write him off but those that take the time are blown away, I think he some times does things because he knows the person doesn’t think he’s even really there! He’s so sweet and because he’s an 11 year old boy he’s very rambunctious and maybe a wee bit rotten when its fun to be but one things for sure he’s all boy lol :-) they see him making noises and rocking in his stroller/wheel chair and assume I feel badly for what they all miss out on.

            • I used to be one of those people until I got to know Andrew. I learned my lesson. We connected over photography. Now we share pictures. He tells me about the film speed, shutter speed, and aperture, and I tell him about the colors, the symbolism, and the feeling. I learn a lot from him.

            • To that I must reply that you are indeed a much needed commodity to a very cold world, I wish I could clone you so walking through Walmart wouldn’t be so awkward lol!!

            • It is a cold world. If people could just take a moment to find that connection, their world would forever be opened to some beautiful possibilities.

            • Yes!! I wouldn’t get the stares or the hushed tones I could just buy some toilet paper and few other things and not get so uncomfortable I end up leaving. Most the time I ignore but some days I get angry and have just a few times been openly rude I shouldn’t buy it bubbles out on rare occasion.

            • I can imagine it gets old. Some people probably need the rudeness just so they realize how rude they’re being.

    • Appreciated. Thank you. I’m glad you liked it, and the follow-up story. There will be more. I hope I can keep up the quality.

    • Thank you. It is an important connection. They are common and they connect us because understanding requires no explanation.

  1. Wow…this is pretty magnificent.
    I’ve never heard the ‘nervous as a whore in a church’ one before, I’ll have to find an opportunity to use it :)

    • I’m glad you found it fun. I had tons of fun writing this one, and the one I wrote after this. I don’t think it would have turned out so well if I hadn’t had such a great time trying to do it.

    • I hope you get some good papers. Good luck and don’t go crazy. That said, it was an English teacher that first inspired me as a student. I will never forget it, and I think it had everything to do with where I am today. She’s still at the top of my list of top teachers.

    • Ugh. I’m so sorry I missed replying to your comment. Shame on me! Now, without further delay…
      I love the clever response. Thank you for adding to the cliche-love here!

  2. That was very entertaining. The cliche makes a come back… almost. You may be on to something. Though it has all been said and done, yet never all in one sitting, our youth would probably get a kick out of these–probably hearing them for the first time. They could start a new music genre setting the cliches to rap, calling it Cliche Rap, … my 18 year old just looked at me said “no, we won’t mom”. Fine!

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    • Funny you should say that; when I tried this for a second time, I did call myself mad: mad as a march hare…though mad as a box of frogs or madder than a wet hen would work as well.

    • “Everything’s copacetic” is a cliche. I thought it fit since it means everything is in order, and this character didn’t have everything in order, so I tossed in a “not” to make it fit the story.

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