That’s So Cliché

We are all familiar with those well-known, over-used turn-of-phrases that add conversational color. So, let’s beat a dead horse and see how many clichés we get crammed in like sardines. Now that I’ve got you by the short and curlies, I’ll tell you a story. Let me bend your ear as far as the eye can see, but don’t try following in my footsteps, for it is a tangled web I weave. Face the music, you’d be in over your head. I was talking to Ralph on the big white telephone, and nervous as a whore in a church, but he had already heard it through the grapevine. I was coming apart at the seams trying to live on a shoestring budget and wanted to make a fast buck by giving him a run for his money. I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition, but he asked the $64,000 question: “where’s the beef?” I was under the gun and lying through my teeth, but when the chips are down you play the cards you’re dealt. I’m smarter than the average bear, so I gave it the old college try. I mean, he’s not the kind of guy you would kick out of bed for eating crackers, but he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Still, he’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut. But I digress. Since a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, I put my heart into it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? He was waiting for the bottom line and I was shooting for the moon. I told him, “I’ve got a monkey on my back and it’s playing with fire.” Figuring we were two horns on the same goat, and knowing there’s a sucker born every minute, I was really going to town on him like ugly on an ape. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth with the pick of the litter given to him on a silver platter. I told him, “it all boils down to this: no way on God’s green Earth everything’s copacetic.” He said “get your ducks in a  row, but this oughta tide you over, and don’t use a lot where a little will do.” It was a sweet deal, and I took off like a bat out of hell. Now I have a new lease on life and he learned his lesson: actions speak louder than words. That’s it in a nutshell. Thanks for playing. That’s all folks.

• The Show Must Go On, Cliché Touché, Take 2
• Third Times The Charm, Cliché Touché, Take 3