I Wish I Were

I wish I were a little bar of soap. Not the song. I wish I were a little bar of soap. Stop the singing.

It’s rather self destructive to wish to be a bar of soap. A bar of soap only gets smaller before it ceases to be. A bar of soap first loses its square feel, then becomes round and fitted to the palm. But as soon as it fits comfortably it changes again, only to diminish in size, which requires you to use more of it and it becomes smaller even faster.

It’s rather self assuring to wish to be a bar of soap. A bar of soap has a purpose, a singular purpose, and it fills that purpose with each use. It is always soap. It will always clean. You can tell soap not to clean the dirt from between your fingers and toes, off the top of your nose, and leave you smelling like a dried out old rose, but it still will. You can tell the soap the dirt must stay, but it will take it away.

Eventually the bar of soap will dissolve into nothing. What once was will be no more, but the effects of that bar of soap will remain. The sickless days and the unsticky door knobs are evidence of soap’s lasting, good deeds.

Not to mention I could jump into a certain mouth and clean it out a little, for fucks sake.


14 thoughts on “I Wish I Were

  1. If you were a little bar of soap, we would not be friends. The greatest turning point in my life was the moment liquid soap magically appeared in my family’s shower and I realized I never had to touch a bar of soap again. I bought a soap dish for our house 8 months ago and only just took it out of the plastic last week.


    • I’m not a fan of bar soap either. There is none in my house, nor is there a soap dish. I hate the slime they leave behind on the dish.


  2. The last sentence is why I do not use bar’s of soap. My mouth was cleaned a couple times with a bar of zest .. I can attest to the fact that zest is better left on the shelf at the store. It is not zesty in flavor , zest leaves a foul after taste on your palate. There is not a single bar of soap in my home…


    • Lol! I know thought that was a funny image, but I went with it anyway. A bar of soap isn’t the worst inanimate object we could turn ourselves into, and the right kind leaves such a wonderful after-scent.


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