This is part one of a nine part series I will be publishing over the next several weeks. Please comment, question, critique, and criticize. With your help, I hope to work this into a successful story.
♦
In the Pit of Her Stomach
Sally walked home from her usual hangout, stumbling and singing: Bud Light, Miller Light, Michelob Light, Incorporated. We’re gonna drink it! Despite being off-tune, Sally repeated her song, snapping her fingers and bobbing her head along with her off-beat. She danced through her dark neighborhood. Nearly to her duplex she waved to Mrs. Johnson just as her high-heel shoe caught a crack in the sidewalk. She stumbled and recovered.
“Careful,” warned Mrs. Johnson as she opened the door to her old Olds. “Don’t need to start working ‘fore I get there. Two to eleven is bad enough without tending to my own.”
Sally giggled and hiccuped “I’m okay, Mrs. J!” She yelled a little loud for the otherwise quiet neighborhood. The Johnson’s beagle howled in response. “You don’t need to worry about me going to your ER,” Sally whispered. She took off her shoes and walked the remaining short distance barefoot. Sally made it into her bed, safe and sick to her stomach.
To Be Continued…
Ooh…”the pit of her stomach”–a place where various things could cause irritation: too much drink, nervousness/stress, pregnancy, or some combination! Looking forward to more.
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Each section/chapter/whatever has it’s own title. You’ll have to let me know if this ends up doing this first part justice after you’ve had a chance to read some more. Thank you for reading. (And congrats on getting Freshly Pressed on your Weekly Writing Challenge last week. It was a good piece and well deserving of the honor.)
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leaves one wanting to know more 😉
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Good. Each new “chapter” will go up on Tuesday mornings. This one shifts between third and first person, so the next chapter is in Sally’s voice.
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this sounds awesome!
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I hope so. After getting through most of it, I decided to do something unconventional to put together what happens without hitting readers over the head with it, so I did something I was always told not to do, and that’s switch narrative voices throughout the story. Cross my fingers I pulled it off, or enough that with some comments and editing that I do eventually pull it off.
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i’ll bet you will, i can’t wait!
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Intriguing so far–but is there such a thing as a 2 – 11 shift?
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Actually, I don’t think there is such a shift. I put that in as a place marker and didn’t go back to correct it with a proper shift name/time. From what I’ve learned through research, hospital shifts are either 8 or 12 hours. Thank you for noticing. I’ll talk to some of my nurse friends and get their input on overnight hours.
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I wish I could come up with something critically constructive but I can’t. This is some good stuff! Love it!
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Thank you! If you think of something after reading some more (which I hope you do, read more that is, or think of something, or both), please do let me know.
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Well for sure Miss Sally does not live in Oregon or she would of had on Toms and been singing micro beer jingles
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