The Door

“I see you finally brought the brains of the operation with you,” teased Jim from his cluttered desk.
Big sister Jordey rolled her eyes. Little sister Daisy beamed. Dad waved.
“Jordey, watch your sister while I talk to Jim a minute,” said Dad. “Don’t touch anything.”

Jordey turned to Daisy, pointing to the wall.
“All the bad little girls,” sneered Jordey, “get shoved in that room. In the dark.”
“You’re a liar,” huffed Daisy.
“Try it,” she laughed.
“That door’s not real,” Daisy said.
Jordy leaned in. “Try it.” She smacked Daisy’s pigtail and Daisy smacked Jordey’s arm just as Dad turned around.

“DAISY!”

*****

104 words. Feedback appreciated.

I just adore this picture. The monster in the lights is something I would have had to capture too. It’s at once fierce and, well, quite adorable. I imagine, were it to be my desk mate, we’d have many fantasy adventures together. The whatever that is on the wall looked a lot like a door to me, and I just knew it was my key.

What story comes to mind when you see that picture? Join inFriday Fictioneers is a weekly blog link-up based on a photo prompt. The Challenge – write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle, and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.) The Key – make every word count.

*Updated 5 April – added “big sister” and “little sister” and renamed “Dad” from Richard.

*****

*Featured and Post Image Copyright – Kent Bonham
**The ads (which may appear) below are not mine, but they keep this free for me. Do with them as you choose.

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29 thoughts on “The Door

  1. I just love it. I had to read it over twice, slowly, so that I could understand exactly who was who. And once I did, well, like I said. Such psychology. Mystery (atmospheric). And…comedy! (DAISY!)

    Like

    • Thank you!
      Our ages are reversed from the story, but my sister used to get me in trouble this way all the time. She’d antagonize me while our mom’s back was turned, and sure enough, mom would turn around as soon as I retaliated. I was caught every time. 🙂

      Like

    • Thank you Rants! I’m glad to hear I accomplished my goal. I was hoping the shadows would fill in the black and white. 🙂

      Like

  2. Poor Daisy… I assume she’s the younger of the two, being she’s the one taking the fall! I hope that whatever is in that room takes it easy on Daisy. Jordy is the real monster here. 🙂 Well done!

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    • Thank you!
      Daisy is younger. 🙂 I hope Jordy’s no more than your typical older sister, knowing exactly how to knock a gloating baby sister off her pedestal.

      Like

  3. You captured the nastiness of siblings well in their dialogue, and I like how the wrong one gets blamed at the end. I thought there were a lot of characters for such a short form – I was confused by the Jordy rolled her eyes… line, because I didn’t know who anyone was at that stage. One thing that might help would be to use “Dad” instead of “Richard” – that would instantly place at least some of the characters’ relationships

    Like

    • Thank you! Good idea on calling Richard “Dad” instead. I did launch right into a group moment with no explanation, and with the word limit, and “Dad” would clear up a lot of it without adding length. I appreciate the feedback.

      Like

  4. This sounds just like what kids really do and Daisy getting caught reminds me of how in sports the guy who retaliates usually gets caught and penalized! 🙂 The names confused me a bit at first as Jordy sounds like a boy’s name, so when you had “she” between two of Daisy’s comments, I had to do a double take.

    janet

    Like

    • That’s funny you say that about Jordy. She originally was the big brother, but it came out too mean.
      Thanks for the feedback. 🙂

      Like

  5. Melanie, if I had to look at this light for too long, I think I might become possessed. I used to tease my sister all the time when we were younger…I wasn’t very nice. Great story!

    Like

    • I’d have to turn that light into a cute little guardian angel, or I would spend my days in fear of it. 🙂
      My sister and I weren’t nice to each other either. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t our only goal to keep the other one in trouble.

      Like

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