Friday Fictioneers is a weekly blog link-up. The Challenge – write a one hundred word (plus or minus) story with a beginning, middle, and end inspired by the picture. The Key – make every word count. Up to the challenge? Join in!
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“We can go anywhere we want,” said Joey.
“Momma Jane” said Jamie. “She ain’t just gonna…”
“She ain’t no worry,” Joey said, fondling a dismembered finger in his pocket. “She wasn’t even your real momma,” he added.
“Don’t matter.”
“She ain’t no worry. Like I say,” said Joey. He wrapped one arm around Jamie and pointed out. “Anywhere.”
“I can’t just leave…”
“You already gone. We got our whole lives right here in front of us, me and you. All you got to do is pick a direction.”
“Well…I reckon we go so the sun don’t hurt my eyes.”
*****
100 words. Fiction. Feedback is always appreciated. Comments of any kind really — so long as they are related to the post.
What story comes to mind when you see that picture? Join in!
*Image © Copyright: Jean L. Hays
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This Is My Corn 
I liked your voice in this piece. You stayed true to it throughout and that is not easy to do. Your last line is a good one, too.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thank you Doug. Once the voice started talking, I just transcribed the words. Glad to hear I stayed true through editing. 🙂
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Dear Melanie,
Did Joey have a dismembered finger in his pocket? I’m left wondering who Momma Jane is.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It is a dismembered finger. I edited it to say that so hopefully that confusion is minimized. Momma Jane is whoever the reader feels she is, a caregiver of some kind, but what exactly is left up to interpretation: a foster parent, a mom, a grandmother, a lonely old woman who takes in runaways, a kind young woman who takes care of the neighborhood…
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The finger bothered me also. I love the last line. A good a reason to pick a direction as any.
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Thank you! May I ask, was it that he had a finger in his pocket, or was it confusing as to if it was his or a dismembered finger? I did add “dismembered” to the story just now.
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Adding “dismembered” clears up the confusion in the sentence, I’m still confused as to whose finger it is… Mama Jane’s, Jamie’s own (eeww) or someone else’s…AND how and why it got there. Still skeeved by the idea, especially as Joey sounds quite young. It makes me wonder if Jamie might find himself in some similar peril at Joey’s hand later on.
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I’m glad to hear “dismembered” helped, and it’s supposed to me Momma Jane’s finger. How and why is up to you. I left a lot to reader interpretation to make the 100 word limit for the challenge. Sometimes I get it. Sometimes I don’t. This one might be the latter.
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“Fondling a finger” also stopped me but it is a good piece. In 100 words I don’t think we need to have exact relationships or histories of each character. It is enough to know Momma Jane was important enough to receive consideration but not important enough to keep the adventure from happening.
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The finger detail should be disturbing. He has a finger in his pocket! That’s bad, very very bad.
I’m glad the lack of relationship detail wasn’t a hindrance to you. With only 100 words, too much description takes too much space, plus I like to leave it vague enough for the readers to assign their own visuals.
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I always enjoy reading these. You manage to squeeze a distinct beginning, middle, and ending into 100 words. Brava!
(Also, the finger thing. Reconsider the word choice there, maybe?)
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I edited it to be “fondled a dismembered finger” to make it clear it isn’t Joey’s own. Does that help, or is it because there’s a finger in his pocket?
Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s as fun for me as the writing. 🙂
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A new start–exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 🙂
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I do hope they have a safe journey, where ever it may take them.
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Yes, pick a direction and drive for days and days. 🙂 It sounds like a tough situation all around, leaving your mother and being on your own in the big bad world. Nicely done.
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I think it was pretty tough. I hope it doesn’t get tougher. Thanks!
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Very good! I think that dismembered finger might be Mamma Jane’s! :O
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I think it is! Poor Momma Jane.
Thanks! 🙂
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I got a bit confused with who was saying what here. Who says ‘she ain’t your real momma’? But the voices were authentic, and there was that seam of unease running beneath the story. Well done.
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Joes says “She ain’t your real momma.” Formatting screwed up any clarity I had. I didn’t even notice. I think perhaps leaving off attributes this time wasn’t such a good idea.
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I find the finger disturbing, to say the least. Sounds to me as though Joey got rid of Momma so they could leave.
janet
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The finger is disturbing. 🙂 It was Joey’s decision to make Momma Jane “no worry” for them anymore. Thanks Janet!
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Melanie, I had trouble with the finger, too. Momma’s? And who was saying what when. (My story had the same problems this week and the comments helped. I almost pulled it, but Rochelle helped walk me through it and it remains, many times altered. So I can relate to all these comments.) I love the voice in this. Cheers,
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The finger is Momma’s. I’ve made a couple of edits, and I’ll probably make some more. I should probably relax on my insistence to be at 100 words, no more no less, in order to make the story clearer for the readers.
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With a 100-word limit, two of those words are bound to end up as the phrase “dismembered finger”.
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It paints quite a picture in two words.
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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