Genre: Suspense
Location: A Diamond Mine
Object: A toy car
Synopsis: Julia gets trapped in a tunnel of an abandoned diamond mine while trying to use social media to save a suicidal friend living across the country.
The Day My Earth Quaked
Sarah called as I reached the tunnel entrance at the abandoned diamond mine, one of my favorite exploring spots. “You caught me just in time,” I said.
“Julia? You exploring?” Sarah asked.
“Yes. At the mine, as usual,” I said. “You sound drunk. You okay?”
“I just want to tell you to keep fighting for those of us who can’t.”
“What do you mean ‘those of us who can’t’?” I ducked into the mouth of the main mine tunnel to escape the sun and dropped my backpack. I pushed my earphones in deeper and knelt down.
“Sarah?” I said. “What do you mean those who can’t?”
Silence. I checked my phone and pulled the ropes from my bag.
“Sarah!”
“I love you,” she said, and disconnected. I called her back. Voicemail. I called again and started unraveling my rope. Voicemail. I opened Facebook and messaged Mary: Message Sarah. 911. ASAP!
Sarah, Mary, and I had been friends for five years, though we had never met “in real life.” Sarah lives in Tennessee, Mary in Montana, and I in California. We met in a Facebook Group. It was a social media connection that birthed a fierce friendship. We all survived severe domestic violence. That piece of common history, and a bit of fate, bound us. Sarah was my inspiration. She persevered through more than I could have: child abuse, domestic violence, rape, homelessness…. Yet she was succeeding in every way: marriage, friendships, home-ownership, a great job. Then life got difficult again.
I listened for the Facebook chime from Mary and hoped for a call, or a text message ding from Sarah. I slid my toy car on the rope – every explorer marked their rope with a unique trinket so others knew who was inside – and tied a bowline to the anchor at the entrance.
My phone chimed. Mary: No answer. Got a freaky message from her. Worried!
Me too! Keep trying. I will too. I’m at the mine tunnels. Not much battery. I’ll stay up front to keep my signal.
I tried Sarah again. Voicemail. I continued preparing my gear, my thoughts racing with worry. My exploring partner, Erin, would be arriving soon. I wanted the ropes ready, which worked because Erin used a red ribbon as her marker and would tie it around the knots I’d already made.
Chime. Mary: She’s showing active now, but not answering.
She’s not taking my calls.
Chime. Mary: She said they took everything but my life. Left that to me to take. Is she suicidal again?
That’s what I’m worried about. Her voice was slurred when she called. I’m scared she overdosed.
Chime. Mary: omg! What are we going to do?!?!?!
Keep trying. I’ll call John for more help.
I closed Facebook and dialed my husband.
“What’s up?” he answered.
“On the table by the front door there’s an envelope from Sarah. Give me her address.”
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I just need her address.”
“I’m not home. I’m—”
“You’re not home!”
“I’m at the store. Julia, what—” he said.
“Sarah’s in trouble,” I said. “I think she’s overdosed. I need her address to call the police.”
“Oh shit.”
“Oh shit is right.”
“I’ll be home in five minutes. I’ll find her address and call the police.”
I hung up and took some deep breaths. My body was shaking. I sat down and opened Facebook.
New Message to Sarah: Sarah. What’s happening? Talk! Talk to me. Talk please!
Chime. Mary: Sarah just answered. Says she has nothing to live for.
Ding: Sarah: I have nothing to live for. I’m sorry. I’m a fool.
You are no fool. Sarah! I love you!!
No response.
Sarah, you are loved. You. Are. Loved! What’s your address again?
Ding: Sarah: I don’t want any mail.
It’s not for mail.
Chime: Mary: Did you get John?
Yes. He’s out. Heading home. ETA 5 min. Will call local PD ASAP. Sarah wouldn’t give me her address.
Chime. Mary: She’s offline now.
She’s not answering text now.
Chime. Mary: how much time we got?
I don’t know. Enough I hope. I banged my head back against the wall, exasperated.
Then everything started shaking. The rumble was deafening. I grabbed my helmet and put it on. Rocks started falling. I shoved my phone in my pocket, grabbed my bag, and turned to the entrance when a boulder outside rolled to block it.
I pulled my phone back out and messaged Mary: We have a new problem.
Chime. Mary: Is she talking? That’s a good sign.
No. I think we just had an earthquake. I’m trapped. Battery getting way low.
Chime. Mary: No! No! No!
Yes. Erin will be here soon. Sarah’s still offline. Keep trying her. I need to call John.
“I’m walking in the door now,” John answered. “Did you feel that earthquake?”
“I’m trapped.”
“I’ll call the rangers,” he said.
“No. Get Sarah’s address. I’m not in immediate danger. Erin will be here soon. She’ll see the toy car and call the rangers.”
“Julia, you are going to be the death of me.”
“I love you too. Get the address. Call the police.”
“It’s not here,” John said.
“What?”
“Not here,” he repeated.
“Yes it is!”
“Julia, breath. You need to stay calm.”
“Try my desk. My phone is dying. Got to go.”
“Love you,” John said.
“Love you too. Get the police to Sarah.”
I took my water bottle from my bag and sipped. I checked my phone. 5% battery. I tried in vain to push the boulder from the entrance.
My phone dinged. Text from John: Police are on their way. They’ll call me after making contact. You ok?
Good. Erin is late. Call the rangers for me?
Ding: Will do.
I waited and inventoried my supplies.
Ding: Rangers enroute, but delayed. Report of a hiker pinned under a tree.
Dammit! I hope not Erin.
I opened Facebook to message Mary. Then my phone died, leaving me with worry as my only company.
The End
I entered a writing contest. Unlike those where you enter a previously written submission, the Flash Fiction Challenge, sponsored by NYCMidnight, gives you the genre, location, and an object with 48 hours to write an original story in 1,000 words or less.
The genre must be the style of the story. The location must be the predominate location. The object must appear at some point in the story. One-thousand words maximum.
As far as what the judges will read, this is it. I can make changes to improve it for future use. What do you think? Any thoughts, comments, feedback? I’m not as worried about the genre, location, and object this time as I was last time, but I’m still curious what you think. Does it hit the mark?
Featured Image: © Copyright Evelyn Simak (CC BY-SA 2.0)
Awesome Mel! Well done. You had me at every turn. Excellent.
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I was looking at this one on my phone. I just came to my computer and saw the big graphic! I love it. 🙂 Thank you !
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Ha! It sparkles – like your story!
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It does sparkle. Sparkles are awesome!
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Thank you Paul. Do you have any more stories in the works?
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No, but I should – I get lazy.
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You’re a good storyteller and you have a good, clear and consistent voice. My two cents: jot down a list of story ideas and dedicate at least one or two days a week to writing one out. Before you know it you’ll have a bank of stories for guest post requests and to give Gibber for JulieNoBlog, plus the time to edit/revise to truly make them shine.
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God idea – Thank You.
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Ha! “Good” idea.
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Lol! Keep up the writing, Paul. You are good at it. 🙂
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You have me on the edge of my seat!!! Really good work girl! I hope you keep going with this, I want to know what happens!
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I don’t know if I’ll go any further. It seems fitting to finish it where it’s at.
Everyone gets rescued, but to state that in the story just feels like hitting the reader with too cliche an ending, all happily ever after. John has called the police and the rangers, so, to me, that’s ending enough. If I’m wrong, do please tell me. You’re the reader. Though I suppose there is some ambiguity as to whether Sarah lives…
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I suppose you’re right. The reader has to make a few of their own conclusions but that makes it more interesting. It’s brilliant, just the right amount of information/words ☺️ Initially, the reader in me just wanted MORE because I was into it!
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Brilliant? Why thank you!
That’s the pain of flash fiction. There just isn’t space for more. 🙂
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No sweets, that’s the beauty of flash fiction! 😉
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I really enjoyed reading it. The tension ratchets up nicely. I actually thought Sarah was going to die at the end, a cruel irony. She saves her friend only to die herself. Wouldn’t exactly be a happy ending though.
Good luck!
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Thank you Carrie, and thanks for commenting on the tension. That’s quite the compliment from a thriller writer.
I don’t think happy endings are necessary for every story. That said, I hope that’s the conclusion readers comes to with John having made all the necessary calls.
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Nothing wrong with a sad or tragic ending too. Well, for short fiction like this. With novels, I like a happy ending. My son calls me a ‘casual’ for that, but it is what it is. 🙂
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A ‘casual.’ I’ve never heard of that.
I like the flexibility to finish with an open-ended ending with short fiction. With novels, I like a more definitive ending. That’s as a reader. I’ve tried my hand at writing one once. I never made it to the end.
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Maybe someday that novel will have an end!
Sadly, my teen son isn’t complimenting me when he calls me a ‘casual.’ 😉
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Do teenagers ever compliment parents? I have five years until my oldest is a teen. I’ll be ready for that in about 20 years.
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Yep, that sounds about right. 🙂
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Great job!
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Thank you!
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Had that Genre for writing in that Journal class I took a year ago that was cut short. 1500 words was the challenge. Did shorter ones in class. Hope to pull one or two out and use for future fill. Stay out of the mines, you saw what the EPA did to the Anamas, right? http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/animas-river-toxic-spill-epa-chief-visits-site-33055547
Good Job The Rooster @ elfidd.com
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I can do suspense, until it’s assigned. Lol! This one took several drafts before I was satisfied enough to call it finished enough for the competition.
I did see the Animas spill. And of all entities to cause it, it was the EPA. The EPA! Where was the protection there?
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This is amazing!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Coucou ! J’espère que tu vas bien ! Si tu veux un moyen de t’évader ou bien des conseils pour voyager, je t’invite à visiter mon blog ! Gros Bisous 🙂
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I don’t speak French, so I used Google Translate. It tells me this is a comment about traveling. This isn’t an appropriate comment for this blog post. But thanks anyway.
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A non appropriate comment ? I was congratulating you haha anyway have a nice day ! 🙂
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Maybe it’s lost in translation, but that didn’t come across.
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Oh … Well that’s what I meant 🙂
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Oh…then, Thank you!
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This is what I got from Google Translate: “Hello ! I hope you are fine ! If you want a way to escape or you many tips for traveling , I invite you to visit my blog ! Big kisses :)” So you can see the confusion.
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Wow that’s weird
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I’m learning to speak french.
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I’m learning to speak french. Which I only know the alphabet and the word Ca. 😦
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Your a writing guy/girl.
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Thanks!
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You Welcome. I like your stories. I read a lot of books.:) Check my blog it is: sbessays.wordpress.com:(
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I appreciate that you enjoyed my story.
I looked at your blog and read your About page. I’m concerned that my blog is not appropriate for you. I do not consider the content to be appropriate for anyone under the age of 16. There is mature content here.
I cannot do anything to block this site on age restrictions. I can ask that you please have your parents review my blog before you continue to read my stories.
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Ok
My blog is: sbessays.wordpress.com
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Excellent, I was breathless from the pace of this.
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Thank you Tracey. That’s just the reaction I was hoping for. Suspense in 1000 words is not easy to do.
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I’ve written a book called Dragon Spirit. I just did some of the chapter not all of it. This book is on sbessays.wordpress.com .
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Great story! Really scared me what might happen.
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I’m so glad to hear you thought it was great. Thank you!
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