It happened so fast, it might not have happened. The door wasn’t open, and then it was – the knob stuck in the drywall. But the gun, it raised so slowly, so deliberately, so pointed directly at my head. And then. Oh my Julie-Anna. She moved so fast. She was on her feet next to me, and then she was over him – the slightest smoke spiraling from the gun.
We buried him there, just beyond her property, on the river island. We sold everything to tear down her cabin and build our home. When she died, Julie-Anna willed the land to me.
Copyright Erin Leary
99 words. Feedback appreciated. Another work of fiction. The picture reminded me of Shakshank Redemption, which reminded me of murder, which reminded me of Oh Dear Silvia, and then came this story.
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What story comes to mind when you see that picture? Join in! Friday Fictioneers is a weekly blog link-up based on a photo prompt. The Challenge – write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle, and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.) The Key – make every word count.
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This Is My Corn 
Fast moving story. I liked the repetition of so, so, so in the second line.
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Thank you! As I pared-down words, those were not on the dispensable list.
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That little detail about the knob stuck in the dry wall – priceless. So much more evocative than “the door flew open.” I’m impressed.
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Thank you Sandra! I imagined the scene that one seemed all-inclusive and just the kind of arbitrary detail that would remain vivid years after the event. I’m glad I listened to the story as it showed itself. 🙂
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Love it. I feel a whole person, a whole life, a whole world here. The writing is exquisite (and this is precisely the word I mean — I know because I look it up often [though almost never use it]): short, quick, fast, etc., but all there, nothing missing. And not minimalist, at least not in the way I find hard to appreciate. I’m signing up for this challenge!
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Oh my! Thank you! I just love this challenge. I’m constantly impressed by the variety and strength of the stories each week. I haven’t been doing it for long, but I’m glad I started.
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Really shows a word-smithing maturation.
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High praise indeed. Thanks! 🙂
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Yep. a TRUE friend will help ya bury the body.:)
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And then take the secret to the grave. 😉
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I like that knob in the drywall part. You avoided the obvious. In fact, you have done everything to keep it from being obvious. Mucho bueno!
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Well thank you very much! 🙂 There were a few details to choose from when I pictured the scene, and from the sound of it, I picked the right one.
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The mistake that ties it all together. When an accident and a lie becomes a destiny…
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Exactly. It happens, it’s happened, it’ll happen again. I hope not to me though.
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I like the doorknob in the drywall as well. I thought at first that she threw herself in front of the shot and died for him.
janet
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Thank you Janet! I’m so glad I picked the knob in the drywall detail to capture that moment. Thanks for the feedback. 🙂
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Melanie, this is excellent! I’m so impressed. I like how you revealed action in the first part with movement… How things were fast or slow. And then your second part concluding it still carrying the emotional impact…it’s something she’ll live with forever. Wonderful story and I think the best of your work I’ve read for FF.
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Oh wow! What an amazing compliment. Thank you Amy!
Also, thanks for telling me you noticed the life-long burden of this moment. 🙂 I imagined this reflection happening decades after-the-fact, and that it was still vivid.
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🙂
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the knob stuck in the drywall – so much movement and violence revealed in six words. Present: nasty. Future: content. Well done.
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Thank you Alicia! It takes a lot of force to open a door so hard that it sticks in the wall. I was hoping that detail would convey that. I’m thrilled to hear it worked for the story. 🙂
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i enjoyed this so much . . the back and forth motions in the scene and the friendship between your characters. nice!
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Thank you Sun! Their friendship is important. I imagined it’s what got them through life.
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Melanie, Good story. Just about everythings been said. Great action; I could see it happening. Well done. 🙂 —Susan
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Thank you Susan! I’m happy to hear you could see it happen.
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Dear Melanie,
He had to fling that door hard for the knob to go through the drywall. Thank heaven for Julie-Anna. Good one.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It takes the force of anger to do that to a wall with a door. Thank heaven for Julie-Anna indeed.
Thank you Rochelle!
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